When you live with your partner, it can be very easy to lose the knack of making them feel special.
In the early days of a relationship, it’s all fun and games as you learn your partner’s likes, passions, and desired ways of receiving love. This heightened state loses its sheen when comfort sets in.
As the level of comfort you experience around each other skyrockets, you feel freer to be yourself around them. Over time, this comfort may translate to a lack of intimacy when you live in the same space. This can manifest in less-than-romantic habits such as laughing over your boogers, farts, and dribble. Maybe it means you say “I love you” less and less. Perhaps the lack of intimacy presents itself as constant arguments over who has to pay for what.
In order to keep the romance alive when the novelty of a new-formed love wears off, it helps to speak your partner’s love languages. To avoid the slow demise of lack of intimacy that may come when you live with your partner, try out some of these suggestions in speaking the different love languages.
Keeping Intimacy Alive When You Live With Your Partner
There are a myriad of small actions we can take to remind our partner of why we love them. It’s important, especially when you live together, to keep investing in the romantic aspect of the relationship. Here are some super easy and practical suggestions.
Things you can do around the home:
- keep the bedroom tidy. Nothing keeps a mind at ease like falling asleep in a fresh made bed and a clean room. If you are constantly cleaning up after your partner it can feel like a drag. But if both of you pitch in on making your space homely and inviting, it can feel like a win-win. Especially useful if your partner likes to keep things neat!
- clean the bathroom and toilet. And actually clean the objects in the rooms, not just the dust on the floor. Taking care of these less-than-lovely jobs so your partner doesn’t have to gets you both off the hook to enjoy your time together.
- keeping shared spaces fresh and clean. If you have the day off, taking care of the communal spaces like the kitchen and living room can create an air of ease around the home. Wiping crumbs, sweeping floors, opening blinds, putting dishes away. It takes just a little effort to show you care.
- being together. Simply laying together, touching their hand, leg, arm, torso. Connecting deeply without needing conversation to break the silence. It is nice to just enjoy the energy of your partner, safe in the knowledge they are right next to you.
- quality time spent without distraction. Turning your phone off, leaving it in another room, maintaining eye contact. Keeping distraction at bay and giving your partner your full attention is a sign of respect. If they crave uninterrupted conversation, this is a big one! It’s so easy and refreshing to not have to think about notifications or messages, tuning out for a while.
- talking about your day when you finally see each other. This can be a great tool to unwind if you’ve had a stressful day. You might be interested in making a nightly chat part of a stress-reduction routine if you find you’re carrying baggage from your day into your relationship.
- make food together. Or, take turns surprising each other with a new meal. Creating meals together is far more special than eating out too often. Being in the kitchen and following a recipe can be a fun time when done with someone we love. Those who ‘can’t cook’ may have a laugh about their endeavour, or you may enjoy experimenting with new flavours and cuisines if you’re into food!
- have a play day. Get your craft gear out and make some art. Paints, pencils, water colours, cameras, journals, photo albums. Make something together and enjoy the playfulness of getting messy and succumbing to your childlike sensibility.
Words of love:
- leave a love letter for when they come home. Some things you can include are positive things they add to your life, traits you love about them, or simple a wish to have a nice evening. Short and sweet and it let’s them know you’re thinking of them until you are together again.
- texting them a photo of a fond memory. Accompany your photo with a favourite moment of that day/trip or a reason why it makes you love them.
- encouraging words. If your partner is the coolest person you know, remind them! Tell them how unique their style is and the way they perceive the world around them. Let them know you appreciate their zany outlook on life and their small, sweet habits. Show them the ways in which they help you improve the person you are.
Explore your town:
- go on an outing to a place you haven’t been. Get out of the house. Because you live together, you should know when to head out of the house together. Find a nearby place on a map and see if you can get there. Follow the side roads and turnoffs and head off for an adventure. Pack some snacks in case you’re out for the day!
- pack a basket of goodies and head to the beach. Nothing invigorates better than the sun, salty ocean, and some exfoliating sand. Enjoy the best nature has to offer with your partner. Bring an umbrella, surf boards, fruit and sandwiches, swim gear and water.
These are but a few some simple, easy to practice ideas for fulfilling the love languages you and your partner speak.
Your words and actions in a relationship needn’t be lost in the comforts of living together. In fact, I hope you find joy in seeking new ways to express your love through your verbal and physical interaction. The intimacy you felt in the beginning of your relationship can be fostered if you fall back on the love languages and work at it.
When you live together, it doesn’t require a whole lot to rekindle feelings of romance. A simple commitment to knowing your partner, finding out more about them, and paying attention to the ways they receive love can be a big step in the right direction.